Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Hangover Gaming Part 1

With the season already upon us, it's important to be prepared. It wont be long before you've had a little too much spirit at the open bar Holiday party again. After you black out and come to in in a puddle of recycled holiday cheer and blurry visions of your terrible karaoke attempt start coming back, you're gonna want to peal that nasty Santa costume off and find the nearest available couch (of course none of this comes from personal experience *cough *cough). Now is the time to whip out that Ipad, waste an entire Sunday and play one of your favorite causal games. In my first part of Hangover Gaming I wanna talk to you about one of my favorites: Fantasy Defense

I'm not sure what initially attracted me to Fantasy Defense, maybe it was the surrealist artistic vision or claims of being a "★★★★★ Top 10 Role Playing Game in 28 countries!"....oh who am I kidding!? It was the giant tits...They get me every time, goddammit! But don't judge me or the game on what may be considered a "shallow art design", behind this facade hides deep strategy, game play and huge amounts of replayability.

For a very cheap price (right now it's on sale for a buck) you get a game that will keep you coming back every time you're stuck on the couch. There are 5 different environments and over 50 levels with increasing difficulty. You get three different classes with four sub-classes within each. Warriors focus on attack and stunning, Archers on range and Bleeding and Magicians are a mixture of both.

Every unit under your command, including all of your three Ultimate Hero units can be upgraded to better suit your strategy and play style. Do you wanna upgrade your special units to slow the enemy advance? Do you want to focus on attack speed to keep up with faster and faster waves? Range? Or Power? You can also purchase items (with ingame currency and microtransactions) to help further improve your Heroes. It sounds like you'll be overpowered in no time, but trust me you wont.

Unlike other tower defense games like Kingdom Rush, this game will not hold your hand and tell you where to put units or give you few upgrade options. I found myself playing as far as I could on the higher difficulties, then having to lower it to make any progress. You have to increase your units power or you will be wiped out! I eventually was able to beat the entire game on the hardest difficulty (without any micro-transactions, that's pussy shit) and was sad to have finished it. It's one of those games that if you do beat 100% you probably aren't going back, but that doesn't mean you'll be playing a level one time only. You'll play the same level over and over and over again until you get that 5 star rating.

For the price, depth and game length this game is hard to beat on the app store, especially if you're a fan of tower defense. Don't let the voluptuous breasts scare you away there is a very good game hidden behind them, not to mention something to fap to when you're eggnog headache starts creeping back to you. Two birds with one Ipad!

Before buying any game out of the App Store, try and see if they have a "Lite" version first. This game does so be sure to give the demo a whirl before spending the full 3 or so bucks on it.

Monday, November 17, 2014

Best Use of Sex Appeal Award Goes To.....

Praise Jesus

A few days ago I wrote about one of the most brilliant marketing strategies used at a gaming convention...but today I've been completely blown out of the water by what future historians may claim as "the best use of sex appeal ever," to sell a keyboard. Don't take my word for it...watch the, totally not weird on any level, marketing behind Russian Esports keyboard manufacturer, Thermaltake.

I'm definitely "Pro Booth Babe", but there's a right way to do things...and a "this is the best fucking idea ever!" way to do things. I would of liked to have been the fly on the wall for that historic board meeting, where someone had the courage to say, "fuck it...let's get some strippers!" I wish I could have also shaken his hand for taking such courageous action to include that they also look fresh out of middle school! It's hard for a young start up to find work these days...That man must have been onto something, I mean just look at the geekiest drooling virgins that you have ever witnessed flock to the Thermaltake trailer...their sweaty palms just hoping to get a touch of that...keyboard. That man was a genius, but I do have a few suggestions.

First step, let's get these girls off of the ground a bit...and maybe set up a protective barrier! I'm worried that Russian Steve Urkel might go renegade and make a run on one of these fair maidens :(

Now that we have that out of the way, lets get some seating around the stage, so these good girls and geeks can take a load off and not spend hours just standing there. Also, some tables and cocktail service, c'mon people! We're not barbarians!

Then we just need dim the lights a bit, add some neon lighting and get a good DJ with a deep mighty voice who can play your favorite Nickleback techno remixes and announce when that under age sweety of yours is heading up there to shake it.  

And finally stick a pole right in the middle, add some dollah billz and wallah!!!


Dear god....I can't wait till Gawker gets a hold of this...if they haven't already! C'mon Thermaltake you're fucking up booth babes for the rest of us!

Friday, November 14, 2014

Games Industry is Flunking Out

Well I've been out of school for a decade, but I do remember some important lessons. One of easiest concepts to comprehend was that handing in your homework unfinished will probably get you a shitty grade. It seems that many developers in today's gaming industry must not have paid attention or may have dropped out all together.

Most recently Assassins Creed Unity has been dragged through the mud for blatant in game purchases and glitches such as this handsome fellow above *kisskiss

Now I'm not saying that developers are stupid or even complacent (not all the time at least). Building a AAA video game looks like Harry Potter like wizardry as far as I'm concerned. They're magically bringing imagination to life! There are many factors as to why developers are handing in half finished games with glaringly cringe worthy bugs and design flaws. The developer yes, but also the publishers, unrealistic deadlines, early access, DLC, season passes, and (the gas that keeps this car running) pre-ordering gamers are all to blame.

Destiny holds the record as the highest pre-ordered game for a new IP, but has been deemed mediocre across the board. The game had no real ending (or story) and many missing features that were talked about but no where to be found on release day.   

Bitching about "pre-order culture" and industry hype have become the norm with games critics today, and why wouldn't it? Most of them are getting games handed to them a couple weeks before release, for free and have beat it before you've even touched it. Commoners like us have to wait till game day to get our opinions out there. Hell I want to join in on the conversation, whether a game is shit or not. Of course the dark side is that this leads to people getting burned and even worse industry practices. Why care about getting your game finished when you've already sold 100 million copies?

Shadow of Mordor has received high rankings and praise. I loved the game, but seeing one of the coolest characters and missions touted hiding by a $25 season pass is no bueno!

There's a special period when a game is first released where it feels like you are taking the first steps into a new world. Very few people have been there before and interpretation is up for anyone to create. You play and participate in picking a game apart. Seeing where it shines and falls flat on it's face down a bottomless hole that glitched into the level. Yes it's true, by pre-ordering you the gamer are helping to destroy this industry from the inside, but some of us just like to watch the world burn. "Pre-Order Culture" isn't going anywhere anytime soon...but we have to do something to end this shady unfinished game practice...

Anyways, this is a big topic. I'm sure I'll be writing more about this and ways we can fix it. Until then tah tah.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Bring Onechanbara Z2 Chaos to the USA

Onechanbara Z2 Chaos needs to come state side RIGHT NOW. I haven't saved up the cash to get my WiiU and copy of Bayonetta 2, so I need some sexy fighting women to get on the PlayStation. The developer, D3 Publisher seems to have a more irreverent take on the sexy fighter genre. Bayonetta has been praised for her powerful design, and character. She's fully in charge of her sexuality and isn't afraid to dish out the pain like a demigod dominatrix. These girls...ummmm...not so much? I don't know I haven't played it.

I didn't play the first OneChanbara on PS2 either, but I did just watch this review for Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai and it looks fucking terrible. That doesn't necessarily mean that this new edition to the "Dead or Alive Beach Volley Ball" of visual fighters is terrible though! I mean look at this hype trailer for it! The combos and power ups look like some fun and at least on par with Lolipop Chainsaw...fuck even one of the girls HAS a chainsaw!

From what I can see so far though, I'm pretty sure that Polygon review of this game will be waaaaaaaay below a 7.5. I mean check out a couple of these costume unlockables:

Yes. that is a banana on her vag.

Caution! Too sexy...

These are great, but by far my favorite thing about Onechanbara Z2 Chaos has nothing to do with the actual game. It has to do with it's fucking brilliant marketing strategy. Most companies would think to hire a booth babe or two to help attract you with their tits, but Onechanbara takes it a step further. In order to play a demo of the game at this years Tokyo Games Show you had to do this...

That's right...you had to physically stuff you're head in the protagonists tits to play the demo. Pure. Fucking. Genius. I'm sure progressive critics will have no issues with this game...but It's entirely possible it wont even make it here to the states. So we must let our voices be heard! We need a release stateside!

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Grind Playlist: Part 1

I pulled a super late night on that last blog post, so the wind is kind of out of my sails for an "In-Depth" look at anything today. I'm working on something about OneChanbara Z2 Chaos, but I think I'll be posting it tomorrow. So for today's post I created my first Grind Playlist for Diablo (or anything you're grinding really). Hearing the same song and gameplay audio hour after hour will drive anyone insane, so put this on instead. It'll get you PUMPED. This first hour of my playlist features Sleep, Ghost BC, Immortal, Amon Amarth and more.

Click the link below and enjoy!
Happy slaying ~Devoinz

Grind Playlist: Part 1

STOP Massive Secret Mailing Lists

You wouldn't think that a emailing list put together for gaming industry writers should be a big deal...at least I didn't. When I first heard of the GameJournoPros mailing list two months ago, I pictured it as a small cliche of friends from the more progressive web sites like Kotaku, Gamsutra, Destructoid, ArsTechnica, Boing Boing, Vice, or Polygon...I really had no idea it was like this.

Ok, so before I say what I have to say, please scroll down this list. You don't need to remember the names or anything. just take a gander to get a general idea of how many people and publications are implicated in this. 
  1. Adam Rosenberg - Digital Trends
  2. Alex Navarro - Giant Bomb
  3. Alex Rubens - IGN, G4TV, PCWorld, Official Xbox Magazine, Polygon, @Gamer Magazine, Games Radar, Joystiq, Kotaku, Destructoid, Tech Hive, Game Informer
  4. Alexa Ray Corriea - Polygon
  5. Andrew Fitch - the Geekbox podcast
  6. Andrew Groen - Penny Arcade (ex?), Wired
  7. Andrew Hayward - StuffTV, TechHive, IGN, Macworld,Maclife, Jostiq
  8. Andrew a Cunningham - ArsTechnica
  9. Andy Chalk - PC Gamer
  10. Andy Eddy - author, “Game Over Press Start To Continue”
  11. Annette Cardwell - Yahoo! Shine, Wikia
  12. Anthony John Agnello - Joystiq, The AV Club, Edge, Fast Company
  13. Ben Kuchera - Editor at Polygon
  14. Ben Gilbert - Senior Editor for Engadget
  15. 15Billy Shibley - Social/Community for @DestinytheGame (Activision), former Editorial Manager at Machinima
  16. Brad Gallaway - Managing Editor of GameCritics.com
  17. Bradley Shoemaker - Giant Bomb
  18. Brandon Cackowski-Schnell - The Escapist 
  19. Brandon Justice - Ex Gamefan, IGN, SEGA, EA & EGM 
  20. Brandon Boyer - Chairman, Indie Games Festival
  21. Brian Leahy - Previously Shacknews & G4tv
  22. Britton Peele - Entertainment Editor Dallas Morning News
  23. Casey Johnston - Culture Editor at Ars Technica
  24. Charles Husemann - Development Manager at Recource Gaming Nexus EIC
  25. Chris Dahlen - Game dev and writer
  26. Chris Plante - Senior Editor at The Verge
  27. Christopher Grant - Editor-in-Chief at Polygon
  28. Conrad Zimmerman - Podcaster, freelance writer/critic
  29. Cory Banks - Former Managing Editor at PC Gamer
  30. Dale North - Editor-in-Chief at Destructoid
  31. Dale (Laura Dale) - Indiehaven.com, Kotaku UK, Telegraph, Guardian, MYM, MCM
  32. Dalibor Dimovski - Gamedev
  33. Dan (Dan Stapleton) - IGN, PC Gamer
  34. Dan Crabtree - GamerNode
  35. Daniel Starkey (Twitter deleted, cached) - Eurogamer, GameSpot, Joystiq, Kotaku
  36. Daniel Feit - Wired
  37. Danielle - Senior Reviewer at Polygon
  38. Davetach - Polygon
  39. David Thomas - Youtuber “Game Dave” (I believe.)
  40. Dead Yet Living - Unsure
  41. Dean Takahashi - Lead Writer for Games Beat at Venture Beat
  42. Dennis Scimeca - The Daily Dot (Formerly ArsTechnica, NPR, GamesBeat, Polygon, Kotaku, The Escapist, Gamasutra
  43. Devin Connors - The Escapist (past Tom’s Guide, GameFrontCom)
  44. Devin Kofsky - Social Media Celebrity Cruise? Freelance I think in the past.
  45. Dtroid Niero - Destructoid
  46. Erick Eckstein - Esquire Network, G4TV, 
  47. Erick Frederikesn / piratesyar - Technobuffalo
  48. Garnett Lee - Shout Engine
  49. Garrett Martin - Paste games editor, Boston Herald game critic
  50. George Wiedman - Super Bunnyhop (youtube)
  51. Greg Tito - The Escapist
  52. Gregory Gay - The Escapist
  53. Harold Goldberg - New York Times, NPR, books
  54. Heidi Kemps - Freelance, Joystiq
  55. Issac Ferderspiel - IndieHaven, former Game Informer Intern
  56. Jake Gaskill - G4TV
  57. James Fudge - Editor GamePolitics.com
  58. Jarred Newman 
  59. Jason Fanelli - Arcade Sushi, GamesRadar, PocketGamer, Gamernode
  60. Jason Leyanna (no twitter I found) - Realm of Gaming
  61. Jason Schreier - Kotaku Australia, Wired
  62. Jason Venter - Honest Gamers Editor in Chief, IGN, Gamespot, GamesRadar, Joystiq
  63. Jason Wilson
  64. Jaz Rignall 
  65. Jeffery Matulef - US News Editor at Eurogamer (Former AV Club, G4TV, Paste, Joystiq,OXM)
  66. Jeremy Zoss - Zoss Media, Giant Bomb
  67. Joe Osborne - Reviews Editor TechRadar
  68. John Funk - The Escapist
  69. Jonathan Deesing - Joystiq
  70. Jorge Jimenez - Blogger?, Staff Writer Dualshockers
  71. Joseph Leray - TouchArcade, Destructioid
  72. Josh Tolentino - Destructioid, Japanator
  73. Julian Murdoch - Comic Vine?
  74. Justin McElroy - Polygon
  75. Kate Cox - Consumerist, GameCritics.com
  76. Kevin Kelly - Wired
  77. Kyle Orland - Senior Gaming Editor for Ars Technica
  78. Kyle Horner - Developer at WB Games/Turbine, Writer, Editor
  79. Leah B. Jackson - Riot Games eSports web content coordinator (formely IGN/G4)
  80. Logan Westbrook - The Escapist
  81. Lou Kesten - Associated Press
  82. Ludwig Kietzmann - Joystiq Editor-in-chief
  83. Maddy Myers - PasteGames Assitant Editor
  84. Mark Burnham - Online Media Manager QuinStreet (Formerly EIC at Game Front)
  85. Matthew Kumar - Freelance, CEO of MKULTRAgames, publisher of exp.?
  86. Matt Matthews - Gamasutra
  87. Matthew Sakey - Freelance, NYU game center
  88. Meghan - IGN
  89. Michael McWhertor - Deputy News Editor at Polygon
  90. Mike Futter - News Editor at Game Informer
  91. Michael Rougeau - Kotaku, Gamespot, TechRadar, more
  92. Mike Wehner - Daily Dot, USA Today, Yahoo
  93. Mitch Dyer - Editor, IGN
  94. Chris Morris - CNBC, Variety, Coast to Coast Radio
  95. N'Gai Croal - Newsweek (previous) 
  96. N. Evan Van Zelfden (no twitter) - Venture Beat, The Escapist, Slate
  97. Nathan Grayson - Kotaku
  98. Nathan Meunier - Freelance, Podcaster
  99. Nick Chester - Harmonix
  100. Phillip Kollar - Polygon, Game Informer
  101. Pikoeri Egm - EGM, ex GameFan, ex Play
  102. Richard Mitchell - Joystiq
  103. Rob Zacny - PCGamesN, The Escapist, Polygon, IGN
  104. Rod “Slasher” Breslau - Past (OnGamers)
  105. Rollin Bishop - Contributing Editor at LaughingSquid, formerly Geeokosystem, The Mary Sue
  106. Ron Whitaker - Managing Editor GameFront
  107. RPad.TV -  Rpad.tv
  108. Ryan Kuo - Kill Screen
  109. Ryan Scott - Editorial Director at Geekbox Media
  110. Ryanflemingpdx - Gamig and Cinema Editor Digital Trends (former)
  111. Sam Machovech - Tech Reporter Ars Technica
  112. Samit Sarkar - Polygon , formerly at Destructoid
  113. Sarah LeBoeuf - The Escapist
  114. Savethekitsune (Cassandra Khaw, I believe.) - Verge
  115. Scott Nichols - Freelance Critic, Digital Spy
  116. Scott Steinberg - Speaker & Futurist, Writes for Inc, Mashable (Past?), Huffpo
  117. Sebastian Haley - Venture Beat
  118. Shoe (Wild Guess - Dan “Shoe” Hsu) - VentureBeat
  119. Simon Ferrari - Adjunct NYU GameCenter, INDIECADE, Different Games, Indie-Fund Dev outreach team
  120. Sinan Kubba - Joystiq
  121. Sincerelysophie (Sophie/Sam Prell) - Joystiq, G4, Destructoid
  122. Steven Kent (Didn’t find Twitter) - Book Writer, freelance lots of places from the past
  123. Steve Haske - Wired, Medium (not a real site, anyone can do that), Complex Mag?
  124. Susan Arendt - Managing Editor at Joystiq
  125. Taylor Cocke - Web content coordinator at Riot Games/Lolesports, but widely written at IGN, Edge, and others.
  126. The Gamegoat - Youtuber
  127. Tim Stevens - Editor at Large, C'net
  128. Timothy J. Seppala - Engadget contributing editor.
  129. Tina Amini - Deputy Editor at Kotaku
  130. Tom Curtis - “Digital Marketing Guy” at Ubisoft, formerly at Gamasutra
  131. Tom Chick - quartertothree.com
  132. Will Tuttle - Sr. Communications Manager for Xbox and Editorial Overseer of Xbox Wire, IGN (past)
  133. William Usher - Assistant Editor Gaming Blend
  134. Max Parker - Columnist for Pittsburgh Post-Gazette
  135. Xav De Matos - Joystiq
  136. Yannick LeJacq -  Motherboard (VICE), Kotaku UK
  137. Zack Stern - PCWorld, Macworld, others
I don't believe this is some huge Illuminati conspiracy...Someone started a mailing list and added their peers, and they added their peers. Over time things grew and evolved. Now imagine that YOU are a new pledge to this exclusive club. You worked your butt off  to get here and want nothing more than to fit in with the big dogs. Finally someone important in your field has recognized you as a GameJournoPro. 

What's the likely hood that you're going to speak your mind when an established figure says something you object to? What will you risk in this cliche to stand up for your beliefs? Do you think you're going to write an article that contradicts that status quo?

Excerpt from the Breitbart Article:

Do you really think that the majority opinion is the always the right one? If you're like me, then you believe that individuality should be allowed to grow and flourish. The most marginalized opinion can sometimes shed the brightest light on a subject. This mailing list and probably other mailing lists that exist like it are a bane to this industry and should be condemned by insiders. 

If #Gamergate wants to end nepotism and group think in this industry it should start here: Any legitimate journo/website will have an ethics policy that states that they will not participate in any massive cross industry personal communication such as this. 

Excerpt from the Breitbart Article:

I'm not pro or anti GG. Ultimately I believe that games journalism is broad enough that you, as an internet dweller can find the media you're looking for. Ben Kuchera,  Chris Kluwe, Leigh Alexander and Bob Chipman are entitled to their opinions! Their voices should be heard and they have a point to make, even if you don't agree. I just hope that anyone who cares about this industry can recognize that this type of Group Think is harmful to diversity in this industry. 

I'm for women in gaming, always have been, always will be. You may have noticed that about 85% of the GameJournoPros list are men. I say this only to emphasize that the progressive, inclusive gaming media isn't as diverse as it pretends to be. 

[Reading this article by   inspired me to write this tonight. The GameJournoPros list and snips were taken from this article. Props to Milo. I included this side note at the end of the article, so you would read it]

Now back to gaming