Tuesday, November 18, 2014
With the season already upon us, it's important to be prepared. It wont be long before you've had a little too much spirit at the open bar Holiday party again. After you black out and come to in in a puddle of recycled holiday cheer and blurry visions of your terrible karaoke attempt start coming back, you're gonna want to peal that nasty Santa costume off and find the nearest available couch (of course none of this comes from personal experience *cough *cough). Now is the time to whip out that Ipad, waste an entire Sunday and play one of your favorite causal games. In my first part of Hangover Gaming I wanna talk to you about one of my favorites: Fantasy Defense
I'm not sure what initially attracted me to Fantasy Defense, maybe it was the surrealist artistic vision or claims of being a "★★★★★ Top 10 Role Playing Game in 28 countries!"....oh who am I kidding!? It was the giant tits...They get me every time, goddammit! But don't judge me or the game on what may be considered a "shallow art design", behind this facade hides deep strategy, game play and huge amounts of replayability.
For a very cheap price (right now it's on sale for a buck) you get a game that will keep you coming back every time you're stuck on the couch. There are 5 different environments and over 50 levels with increasing difficulty. You get three different classes with four sub-classes within each. Warriors focus on attack and stunning, Archers on range and Bleeding and Magicians are a mixture of both.
Every unit under your command, including all of your three Ultimate Hero units can be upgraded to better suit your strategy and play style. Do you wanna upgrade your special units to slow the enemy advance? Do you want to focus on attack speed to keep up with faster and faster waves? Range? Or Power? You can also purchase items (with ingame currency and microtransactions) to help further improve your Heroes. It sounds like you'll be overpowered in no time, but trust me you wont.
Unlike other tower defense games like Kingdom Rush, this game will not hold your hand and tell you where to put units or give you few upgrade options. I found myself playing as far as I could on the higher difficulties, then having to lower it to make any progress. You have to increase your units power or you will be wiped out! I eventually was able to beat the entire game on the hardest difficulty (without any micro-transactions, that's pussy shit) and was sad to have finished it. It's one of those games that if you do beat 100% you probably aren't going back, but that doesn't mean you'll be playing a level one time only. You'll play the same level over and over and over again until you get that 5 star rating.
For the price, depth and game length this game is hard to beat on the app store, especially if you're a fan of tower defense. Don't let the voluptuous breasts scare you away there is a very good game hidden behind them, not to mention something to fap to when you're eggnog headache starts creeping back to you. Two birds with one Ipad!
Before buying any game out of the App Store, try and see if they have a "Lite" version first. This game does so be sure to give the demo a whirl before spending the full 3 or so bucks on it.
Monday, November 17, 2014
I'm definitely "Pro Booth Babe", but there's a right way to do things...and a "this is the best fucking idea ever!" way to do things. I would of liked to have been the fly on the wall for that historic board meeting, where someone had the courage to say, "fuck it...let's get some strippers!" I wish I could have also shaken his hand for taking such courageous action to include that they also look fresh out of middle school! It's hard for a young start up to find work these days...That man must have been onto something, I mean just look at the geekiest drooling virgins that you have ever witnessed flock to the Thermaltake trailer...their sweaty palms just hoping to get a touch of that...keyboard. That man was a genius, but I do have a few suggestions.
First step, let's get these girls off of the ground a bit...and maybe set up a protective barrier! I'm worried that Russian Steve Urkel might go renegade and make a run on one of these fair maidens :(
Now that we have that out of the way, lets get some seating around the stage, so these good girls and geeks can take a load off and not spend hours just standing there. Also, some tables and cocktail service, c'mon people! We're not barbarians!
Then we just need dim the lights a bit, add some neon lighting and get a good DJ with a deep mighty voice who can play your favorite Nickleback techno remixes and announce when that under age sweety of yours is heading up there to shake it.
And finally stick a pole right in the middle, add some dollah billz and wallah!!!
Dear god....I can't wait till Gawker gets a hold of this...if they haven't already! C'mon Thermaltake you're fucking up booth babes for the rest of us!
Friday, November 14, 2014
Well I've been out of school for a decade, but I do remember some important lessons. One of easiest concepts to comprehend was that handing in your homework unfinished will probably get you a shitty grade. It seems that many developers in today's gaming industry must not have paid attention or may have dropped out all together.
Most recently Assassins Creed Unity has been dragged through the mud for blatant in game purchases and glitches such as this handsome fellow above *kisskiss
Destiny holds the record as the highest pre-ordered game for a new IP, but has been deemed mediocre across the board. The game had no real ending (or story) and many missing features that were talked about but no where to be found on release day.
Shadow of Mordor has received high rankings and praise. I loved the game, but seeing one of the coolest characters and missions touted hiding by a $25 season pass is no bueno!
Anyways, this is a big topic. I'm sure I'll be writing more about this and ways we can fix it. Until then tah tah.
Thursday, November 13, 2014
Onechanbara Z2 Chaos needs to come state side RIGHT NOW. I haven't saved up the cash to get my WiiU and copy of Bayonetta 2, so I need some sexy fighting women to get on the PlayStation. The developer, D3 Publisher seems to have a more irreverent take on the sexy fighter genre. Bayonetta has been praised for her powerful design, and character. She's fully in charge of her sexuality and isn't afraid to dish out the pain like a demigod dominatrix. These girls...ummmm...not so much? I don't know I haven't played it.
I didn't play the first OneChanbara on PS2 either, but I did just watch this review for Onechanbara: Bikini Samurai and it looks fucking terrible. That doesn't necessarily mean that this new edition to the "Dead or Alive Beach Volley Ball" of visual fighters is terrible though! I mean look at this hype trailer for it! The combos and power ups look like some fun and at least on par with Lolipop Chainsaw...fuck even one of the girls HAS a chainsaw!
From what I can see so far though, I'm pretty sure that Polygon review of this game will be waaaaaaaay below a 7.5. I mean check out a couple of these costume unlockables:
Yes. that is a banana on her vag.
Caution! Too sexy...
These are great, but by far my favorite thing about Onechanbara Z2 Chaos has nothing to do with the actual game. It has to do with it's fucking brilliant marketing strategy. Most companies would think to hire a booth babe or two to help attract you with their tits, but Onechanbara takes it a step further. In order to play a demo of the game at this years Tokyo Games Show you had to do this...
That's right...you had to physically stuff you're head in the protagonists tits to play the demo. Pure. Fucking. Genius. I'm sure progressive critics will have no issues with this game...but It's entirely possible it wont even make it here to the states. So we must let our voices be heard! We need a release stateside!
"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
I pulled a super late night on that last blog post, so the wind is kind of out of my sails for an "In-Depth" look at anything today. I'm working on something about OneChanbara Z2 Chaos, but I think I'll be posting it tomorrow. So for today's post I created my first Grind Playlist for Diablo (or anything you're grinding really). Hearing the same song and gameplay audio hour after hour will drive anyone insane, so put this on instead. It'll get you PUMPED. This first hour of my playlist features Sleep, Ghost BC, Immortal, Amon Amarth and more.
Click the link below and enjoy!
Happy slaying ~Devoinz
Grind Playlist: Part 1
You wouldn't think that a emailing list put together for gaming industry writers should be a big deal...at least I didn't. When I first heard of the GameJournoPros mailing list two months ago, I pictured it as a small cliche of friends from the more progressive web sites like Kotaku, Gamsutra, Destructoid, ArsTechnica, Boing Boing, Vice, or Polygon...I really had no idea it was like this.
Ok, so before I say what I have to say, please scroll down this list. You don't need to remember the names or anything. just take a gander to get a general idea of how many people and publications are implicated in this.
- Adam Rosenberg - Digital Trends
- Alex Navarro - Giant Bomb
- Alex Rubens - IGN, G4TV, PCWorld, Official Xbox Magazine, Polygon, @Gamer Magazine, Games Radar, Joystiq, Kotaku, Destructoid, Tech Hive, Game Informer
- Alexa Ray Corriea - Polygon
- Andrew Fitch - the Geekbox podcast
- Andrew Groen - Penny Arcade (ex?), Wired
- Andrew Hayward - StuffTV, TechHive, IGN, Macworld,Maclife, Jostiq
- Andrew a Cunningham - ArsTechnica
- Andy Chalk - PC Gamer
- Andy Eddy - author, “Game Over Press Start To Continue”
- Annette Cardwell - Yahoo! Shine, Wikia
- Anthony John Agnello - Joystiq, The AV Club, Edge, Fast Company
- Ben Kuchera - Editor at Polygon
- Ben Gilbert - Senior Editor for Engadget
- 15Billy Shibley - Social/Community for @DestinytheGame (Activision), former Editorial Manager at Machinima
- Brad Gallaway - Managing Editor of GameCritics.com
- Bradley Shoemaker - Giant Bomb
- Brandon Cackowski-Schnell - The Escapist
- Brandon Justice - Ex Gamefan, IGN, SEGA, EA & EGM
- Brandon Boyer - Chairman, Indie Games Festival
- Brian Leahy - Previously Shacknews & G4tv
- Britton Peele - Entertainment Editor Dallas Morning News
- Casey Johnston - Culture Editor at Ars Technica
- Charles Husemann - Development Manager at Recource Gaming Nexus EIC
- Chris Dahlen - Game dev and writer
- Chris Plante - Senior Editor at The Verge
- Christopher Grant - Editor-in-Chief at Polygon
- Conrad Zimmerman - Podcaster, freelance writer/critic
- Cory Banks - Former Managing Editor at PC Gamer
- Dale North - Editor-in-Chief at Destructoid
- Dale (Laura Dale) - Indiehaven.com, Kotaku UK, Telegraph, Guardian, MYM, MCM
- Dalibor Dimovski - Gamedev
- Dan (Dan Stapleton) - IGN, PC Gamer
- Dan Crabtree - GamerNode
- Daniel Starkey (Twitter deleted, cached) - Eurogamer, GameSpot, Joystiq, Kotaku
- Daniel Feit - Wired
- Danielle - Senior Reviewer at Polygon
- Davetach - Polygon
- David Thomas - Youtuber “Game Dave” (I believe.)
- Dead Yet Living - Unsure
- Dean Takahashi - Lead Writer for Games Beat at Venture Beat
- Dennis Scimeca - The Daily Dot (Formerly ArsTechnica, NPR, GamesBeat, Polygon, Kotaku, The Escapist, Gamasutra
- Devin Connors - The Escapist (past Tom’s Guide, GameFrontCom)
- Devin Kofsky - Social Media Celebrity Cruise? Freelance I think in the past.
- Dtroid Niero - Destructoid
- Erick Eckstein - Esquire Network, G4TV,
- Erick Frederikesn / piratesyar - Technobuffalo
- Garnett Lee - Shout Engine
- Garrett Martin - Paste games editor, Boston Herald game critic
- George Wiedman - Super Bunnyhop (youtube)
- Greg Tito - The Escapist
- Gregory Gay - The Escapist
- Harold Goldberg - New York Times, NPR, books
- Heidi Kemps - Freelance, Joystiq
- Issac Ferderspiel - IndieHaven, former Game Informer Intern
- Jake Gaskill - G4TV
- James Fudge - Editor GamePolitics.com
- Jarred Newman
- Jason Fanelli - Arcade Sushi, GamesRadar, PocketGamer, Gamernode
- Jason Leyanna (no twitter I found) - Realm of Gaming
- Jason Schreier - Kotaku Australia, Wired
- Jason Venter - Honest Gamers Editor in Chief, IGN, Gamespot, GamesRadar, Joystiq
- Jason Wilson
- Jaz Rignall
- Jeffery Matulef - US News Editor at Eurogamer (Former AV Club, G4TV, Paste, Joystiq,OXM)
- Jeremy Zoss - Zoss Media, Giant Bomb
- Joe Osborne - Reviews Editor TechRadar
- John Funk - The Escapist
- Jonathan Deesing - Joystiq
- Jorge Jimenez - Blogger?, Staff Writer Dualshockers
- Joseph Leray - TouchArcade, Destructioid
- Josh Tolentino - Destructioid, Japanator
- Julian Murdoch - Comic Vine?
- Justin McElroy - Polygon
- Kate Cox - Consumerist, GameCritics.com
- Kevin Kelly - Wired
- Kyle Orland - Senior Gaming Editor for Ars Technica
- Kyle Horner - Developer at WB Games/Turbine, Writer, Editor
- Leah B. Jackson - Riot Games eSports web content coordinator (formely IGN/G4)
- Logan Westbrook - The Escapist
- Lou Kesten - Associated Press
- Ludwig Kietzmann - Joystiq Editor-in-chief
- Maddy Myers - PasteGames Assitant Editor
- Mark Burnham
- Matthew Kumar
- Matt Matthews
- Matthew Sakey - Freelance, NYU game center
- Michael McWhertor
- Mike Futter
- Michael Rougeau
- Mike Wehner
- Mitch Dyer
- Chris Morris
- N'Gai Croal
- N. Evan Van Zelfden (no twitter) - Venture Beat, The Escapist, Slate
- Nathan Grayson
- Nathan Meunier
- Nick Chester
- Phillip Kollar
- Pikoeri Egm
- Richard Mitchell
- Rob Zacny
- Rod “Slasher” Breslau
- Rollin Bishop
- Ron Whitake
- Ryan Kuo - Kill Screen
- Ryan Scott
- Sam Machovech
- Samit Sarkar
- Sarah LeBoeuf
- Savethekitsune (Cassandra Khaw, I believe.)
- Scott Nichols
- Scott Steinberg
- Sebastian Haley
- Shoe (Wild Guess - Dan “Shoe” Hsu)
- Simon Ferrari
- Sinan Kubba
- Sincerelysophie (Sophie/Sam Prell)
- Steven Kent (Didn’t find Twitter)
- Steve Haske
- Susan Arendt
- Taylor Cocke
- The Gamegoat
- Tim Stevens
- Timothy J. Seppala
- Tina Amini
- Tom Curtis
- Tom Chick
- Will Tuttle
- William Usher
- Max Parker
- Xav De Matos
- Yannick LeJacq
- Zack Stern
I don't believe this is some huge Illuminati conspiracy...Someone started a mailing list and added their peers, and they added their peers. Over time things grew and evolved. Now imagine that YOU are a new pledge to this exclusive club. You worked your butt off to get here and want nothing more than to fit in with the big dogs. Finally someone important in your field has recognized you as a GameJournoPro.
Excerpt from the Breitbart Article:
If #Gamergate wants to end nepotism and group think in this industry it should start here: Any legitimate journo/website will have an ethics policy that states that they will not participate in any massive cross industry personal communication such as this.
Excerpt from the Breitbart Article:
I'm for women in gaming, always have been, always will be. You may have noticed that about 85% of the GameJournoPros list are men. I say this only to emphasize that the progressive, inclusive gaming media isn't as diverse as it pretends to be.
[Reading this article by MILO YIANNOPOULOS inspired me to write this tonight. The GameJournoPros list and snips were taken from this article. Props to Milo. I included this side note at the end of the article, so you would read it]
Now back to gaming