Monday, December 8, 2014

FFVII Remake Blue Balling Continues


It's seems blatantly obvious to many of us. I mean, if you had the opportunity to make a fuck ton of money...I mean if you had it spelled out in front of you in big bold, underlined, italicized, 60point font, that all you had to do was this one thing, you'd be rewarded with a metric fuck ton of cash, would you do it? The answer to most sane people is an obvious yes! Of course, with any task there are some caveats. Do you have the resources to make it happen? Do you have the creativity to do it right? Are you scared of how it will be received? But let's say you had a track record of doing this exact task almost 15 different times, not counting spinoffs, over the course of almost three decades...there's almost no reason for you not to!

So what the fuck is going on at Square Enix? Recently 10,000 Japanese gamers were asked to share their favorite PlayStation games and which of those games they wanted most for a remake. What took the top spot for the  #1 most wanted remake on the list? Final Fantasy VII, of course! Over the years the remake of this game has almost become legend. It seems that every year since the game came out in 1997, there is some rumor or April Fools prank about it.


In 2005 Squenix even released a tech demo for the production to get players excited for the PS3. You could imagine the levels of cock tease and amount of product that this "trailer" help push at the time. After 5 full years of blue balls however the producer of FFVII, Yoshinori Kitase, shed some light by explaining that the facilities and time involved in a remake would be unrealistic...only to have the spiked cock cage put back on by the then president, Yoichi Wada who only teased that a remake "could" be happening.
Then follow up to this weekend. The results of FFVII winning the remake poll came out on 12/02 right before the PlayStation conference taking place in Las Vegas. I guess the PScon was trying get people excited for the xmas holiday and to showcase some highlights of what's to come in the new year....and guess what was highly anticipated game was showcased!? You got it! FFVII! Only...it's not a remake...it's just a port...it's the same goddamn game that I played almost 17 years ago. It's the same goddamn game I could play on steam RIGHT FUCKING NOW. People attending the conference got one of the biggest pick ups and let downs I've seen at a games conference.


I like to imagine that the world is ruled and run by incentive. Huge corporations want to make money, so when a good business decision presents itself, I imagine that there's some board meeting at the top of the company, where the CEO says let's make this happen. So who the fuck is running Squenix who hates money so much? Are they afraid that they might sell too many fucking copies!? What the fuck is going on?...and this doesn't even touch on all shitty games they've been putting out as of past years...alas another time...

2 comments:

  1. It's probably a little like being in a band. That #1 hit song that made you world famous in the first place, the one that people ALWAYS expect you to play on stage turns into the one thing the one thing that makes your eyes roll and before you know it you refuse to take requests for that song. EVEN if it is the one thing that makes your fans go bananas.

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    1. Honestly It's pretty admirable that a big Corp like Squenix would pass on a payday for artistic integrity, it just doesn’t make much business sense! The company has even stated that they won’t do it until they have created a better game. With their current track record with games and all the FFVII side projects I’m glad that they’re waiting. I hope that they can make a comeback and show everyone that they still have what it takes…But I wonder if making FFVII again wouldn’t help them get back to a better creative place altogether? Thanks for the comment!

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